Being in an abusive relationship can really turn your life upside down. Once you realize you're the victim of verbal abuse, it can feel overwhelming. However, acknowledging it is the first step toward change. You need to take charge and start working on overcoming the situation. Research has shown that verbal abuse can lead to significant mental health issues, including postnatal depression in mothers, highlighting the importance of recognizing and addressing such behavior early on [1].
Here are some practical steps that might help you put an end to the cycle of abuse.
1. Recognize Abusive Behavior
Abusive behavior is never justifiable. It's crucial to understand that it's not your fault if you're being abused. Abusers often use guilt to manipulate and control you, exploiting vulnerabilities in their victims. Remember, being abused is not a consequence of your actions; the abuser alone is responsible for their behavior. Studies indicate that many individuals in abusive relationships may not fully comprehend the harm they inflict, so confronting your abuser can be a pivotal step in reclaiming your power [5].
2. No Form of Abuse is Acceptable
Make it clear to your abuser that their actions are unjustifiable and unacceptable. They need to realize that this behavior is wrong. This may seem easier said than done, but it's essential. Many abusers lack awareness of the impact of their actions, making it vital to set clear boundaries. Seeking support from your loved ones can bolster your resolve and provide a safety net during this challenging time [2].
3. Seek Support
Establish a reliable support network of family and friends. Talk about your feelings and share what you're experiencing. This is a critical step because silence can lead to more abuse. Support from loved ones can empower you and offer a fresh perspective, helping you avoid falling back into the same situation. Research indicates that social support is crucial in mitigating the effects of abuse and enhancing recovery from traumatic experiences [4].
4. Recognize Physical Abuse
If your situation escalates to physical abuse, prioritize your safety above all else. Leaving might not be easy, but it is absolutely necessary. You don't need anyone's permission to take this step. The escalation from verbal to physical abuse is common, and understanding this progression can help you take timely action to protect yourself [3].
5. Stay Calm and Walk Away
Don't mirror the abuser's behavior. Responding in kind will only intensify the conflict. Always strive to remain calm and walk away from heated situations. Sometimes, a little distance can help de-escalate the situation, allowing for clearer thinking and safer decision-making.
6. Don't Let Abusers Control Your Emotions
In a relationship, you might have allowed your partner to influence your feelings. It's important to reclaim that power and not give them control over your emotions. Reacting emotionally can fuel the abuser's behavior. Remember, abusive actions are never an expression of love; they represent manipulation and control.
7. Seek Professional Counseling
Consider reaching out to a counselor, whether it's with your partner or on your own. Even if abusers acknowledge their faults, change won't happen overnight. Their behavior often stems from deeper emotional issues, and it may take time to heal from the emotional scars. Professional guidance can be invaluable in rebuilding your relationship or helping you move forward [5].
References:
- Kaori Komori, Masahiro Komori, Masamitsu Eitoku, Sifa Marie Joelle Muchanga, Hitoshi Ninomiya, Taisuke Kobayashi, Narufumi Suganuma. Verbal abuse during pregnancy increases frequency of newborn hearing screening referral: The Japan Environment and Children's Study.. PubMed. 2019.
- Norma A Erosa, Timothy R Elliott, Jack W Berry, Joan S Grant. Verbal and physical abuse experienced by family caregivers of adults with severe disabilities.. PubMed. 2010.
- Maju Mathew Koola, Clifford Qualls, Deanna L Kelly, Kelly Skelton, Bekh Bradley, Richard Amar, Erica J Duncan. Prevalence of childhood physical and sexual abuse in veterans with psychiatric diagnoses.. PubMed. 2013.
- Annette R Pejic. Verbal abuse: a problem for pediatric nurses.. PubMed. 2005.
- Miriam K Ehrensaft, Terrie E Moffitt, Avshalom Caspi. Clinically abusive relationships in an unselected birth cohort: men's and women's participation and developmental antecedents.. PubMed. 2004.